A Life Well Hidden by Emily Nealis

Author:Emily Nealis [Nealis, Emily]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2022-11-15T16:00:00+00:00

As soon as the meeting concluded, I rushed back to my office, grabbed my bag, and all but ran back down the hallway. I bypassed the elevator and burst through the door to the stairwell, hoping to avoid any other human contact on my way out. As soon as I shut my car door and started the ignition, I couldn’t hold my muscles still any longer. My face contorted into a tight, twisted, fleshy mass of agony. I must have looked completely crazy, speeding down the freeway, holding back tears as best I could in order not to look crazy when I inevitably reached a traffic light.

It didn’t work.

There was no music coming from the stereo, only a series of idiotic whimpers that intensified with every mile.

Fortunately, there was not much traffic, but this was the first time I lamented how far I lived from work, even if it only was 15 minutes. When I reached my house, I didn’t even park in the garage. I didn’t have the time to wait for the garage door to go up, I just needed to get inside and lock the door.

I parked in the driveway and staggered out of my vehicle, partially hunched over, dragging my purse along with me. I clumsily unlocked the front door and made my way upstairs to my bedroom. As soon as I stepped through the doorway, I dropped my purse on the floor and fell onto my knees right next to it, collapsing into a heap on the carpet.

I kneeled there on my floor, rocking back and forth, and wailed uncontrollably for a solid hour. I have never felt that hurt or hopeless. I’ve never cried that hard in my life.

Ever.

My stomach was churning, my hands were cold, and it felt like my heart was wrenched and oozing through my ribcage. I cried for someone I was convinced I’d lost forever. I was facing the fact that Adam and I would never be together. My chest felt tight and I knew this was exactly what it felt like for a heart to break. It was cracking and hemorrhaging in my chest and I could feel every second of it.

For one hour, I sobbed and wailed at the horrifying, ugly injustice of it all. How could Adam do this to me—string me along, propose some grand plan to create a life with me, and then–whether he meant to or not–throw his artificially perfect sham of a marriage in my face? What kind of garbage was that?

Finally, I collapsed back against the wall because my legs fell asleep. My sobs weakened to a steady cry, which turned into a squeaky conversation with God. For the next hour, I pleaded with him to help me, show me the way, whatever that meant—to give me a sign. That eventually turned into me questioning whether this was my punishment and asking forgiveness for my past transgressions.

Was this what I deserved for breaking up with a man I was engaged to? But

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